The Realm of a Demented Writer Wannabe

I wish this could have gone down better.  It didn't.  It went, well, down.

It was a learning experience at least.  I learned a fundamental lesson about the way a guy's mind works.  They strive to consider only the most minimal of their obligations.  They do not feel obligated to concern themselves with a woman's feelings, which is probably the reason why things get so easily screwed up.  They find it so easy to be concerned only about their side of the matter that they expect complete and utter passivity from the other side.  They're not necessarily evil from it.  That's just the way their heads are screwed on.  And no, it's not like they're incapable of being concerned altogether.  It's a whole different ballgame if you're a friend of theirs...at least, it is for the decent guys.

So here's the deal.  It was about a year of being really good friends with this guy.  It was a pretty tight friendship.  Some time a couple of months back I found out that he liked someone - someone I didn't know.  A little while after that I met the girl.  He didn't admit it was her, but the cogwheels turned.

A few weeks after our block in school goes out drinking.  It wasn't the entire block but a sufficient number of people in it to be pretty insane.  Drinking involved drinking game and truth or dare is a classic.  On his last turn he was asked who in the block he had feelings for.  He said it was me.  I thought it was a joke.  I knew who he liked.  It was just a way to smoothly escape the question.  The following day, at an org event, he was in a dark mood.  He pulled me aside that night to tell me that he was serious about the night before and was upset at it having had to come out that way.  He was in a dark mood apparently because the other girl contacted him asking to talk to him.  I happen to know about an incident where she unexpectedly admitting to liking him...long story.  In any case, he wanted to know what I thought about him and and that he was going to sort out the thing with the other girl.

I honestly didn't know what I thought about him then.    I never really thought it would go there. I liked him a lot as a friend then, but understand I've never had a relationship with a guy in that direction so I don't think I'm naturally inclined to consider things like that.  Add to that the fact that it has been ingrained in me that my parents would at least have met the guy I would go out with before it happened.  So I said I would think about it, about how I felt.  If there was anyone close enough to my heart that I could see it going that direction, it would be him.

The following weeks were odd.  Conversations sometimes went almost as if he expected that I would have immediately said yes...or perhaps, failing that, one flat out no.   Then he'd talk about the girl to me, only to me and not a group of people.  He would praise her, which made me feel awkward and bothered.  I didn't know if he was doing that unconsciously or if he was trying to purposely draw out a reaction from me.  What was I supposed to say?

Around maybe two weeks (less?) after he said he liked me he told me that he could not really stop thinking about the other girl.  He said it would be unfair if I had said yes and he still thought about her.  He said I should stop thinking about the matter.  I said I would try but I knew I couldn't.  Again, what was I supposed to say?

The weeks following that were even more awkward than before.  He was hardly around, which I convinced myself was because he was busy preparing for the NMAT.  He didn't speak as much to us, which bothered me a little.  Then it came to a point where he was acting like we were being foolishly childish and he was simply tolerating us.  That pissed me off a little.  But I'm hardly one for confrontation, especially at that time when my supposed "zen" was important to me or else I'd have gone mad from the stress.

On the last day of school before Christmas break kicked in he said he wouldn't be around in the earlier part of the night for our lab party because he had plans.  I inquired about said plans and he said specifically that he had plans with friends.  I assumed they were high school friends or something, since that was what he normally referred to when he said that.  He'd have been more specific if I knew who they were.

That night I find out that he went out with her.  People saw them.  It was maybe their second date.  I can't say I was completely and utterly surprised but I wasn't exactly expecting it either.  I was not only abandoned without warning, he lied about it too.

I was aloof towards him that night.  I was the same the Monday after...what was I supposed to say? do? I was disappointed and hurt.  That Monday he had plenty of opportunities to say something.  He didn't.  And then he tells me through text that he noticed I was bothered and that he wanted to talk to me.  I had plans for the break. No conversation going to happen there.  And besides, why would I have had to go out of my way to talk to him when he could have very easily done so already?  Was I going to have to inconvenience myself to hear excuses.

I was pretty adamant afterwards not to speak with him about the matter.  I didn't see the point.  He felt as if it was a misunderstanding that caused the rift, a misunderstanding on my part no less.  I saw no point in a conversation if he wasn't going to see the point.  He tried once after the text message thing.  I had to meet with my adviser so I couldn't make it.  He asked if we could set a different time for it.  I said I really didn't want to talk, not yet. Maybe in some more distant future.  He didn't try again.

He continued to be distant though.  He was much less around than before.  He was around for 1 group date to the mall for ice cream.  He was around for a classmate's birthday drink out, just a little bit, where he said that he was sorry, though the only thing he understood from the situation was that he somehow made me feel like trash (courtesy of an email from Tessa which I am told contained much more than that, possibly more than his mind could fathom to process about the matter).  I wasn't  up for accepting an empty apology when he didn't know what the deal was.

It was a whole lot of him not being around long enough to say two words to him after that. He'd be around for class...sometimes.  He wasn't often around even for that.  He'd be around to play magic with people, and practically refusing to speak to us in the process.  He wasn't there.

I talked to him about it last week.  I asked him what the deal was, what the state of our friendship was.  He denied that he wasn't around.  And then he moved on to saying that he was busy with Med applications.  And then moved on to saying that he had problems.  And then moved on to saying that he realized he was spending too much time with us and that he decided to spend more time with his other friends.  WTF?  And at the end of it he then again denied that he wasn't around.  Who would believe someone who can't even get his own story straight.

In the same conversation I confronted him about what happened in December.  He insisted that he told me to forget about what he said to me and that I said yes...insisted by repeatedly saying "But you said yes?" sternly, raising his eyebrows as if we were in a great argument when I replied that I said I would try but specified clearly that I knew I couldn't.  He said to him it was clear when he told me not to think about it.  He glossed over admitting that he was wrong for having lied but he didn't have a fault apart from that.

He's kind of hypocritical, I guess.  Obviously he knows that thoughts and feelings can't just be turned off.  He admitted himself that he tried not to think of the other girl but couldn't.  So what, he expected me to be able to turn my thoughts of?  And I guess the mere fact that he left me hanging just like that wasn't wrong either.  Why tell me he liked me in the first place if that's where he was going to go...less than two weeks afterwards???  Shouldn't he have made sure about what he felt about me and the other girl before he went and created havoc like that?  No matter how you look at it, paasa is still the word for it.  Twice the hypocrite for being angry at a girl who is apparently one giant paasa if he was going to go that route too.

I spoke to some guys about the situation.  Well, I had intended to speak to one guy in particular but the other guys just slinked into the conversation.  I had wanted to talk guys about the matter to get their perspective on it.  I mentioned it to him when I confronted him and he was pissed at it, obviously assuming I wanted to rat him out.  I just wanted perspective, you ill-minded dolt!  I wanted to talk to people to clarify my own biases, and talking to females certainly wasn't going to help in that.

My conversation with the guys helped me clear up a few things.  I am now certain that I expected too much of his personality.  I thought much better of him that he was.  I also confirmed that it isn't true that he doesn't share certain personal information even to his closest friends.  I know that some people have some bias against me now because of the things he told them about what us.  I know that what he did wouldn't have bothered most guys much if it was any other girl, but it did because it was me, because I was a friend.

The biggest thing is that the guys thought that I did something to push him away and as far as I'm aware, I didn't.  They thought  genuinely liked me but chose someone else but I was told he had been concerned weeks before that I might have feelings for him and he didn't like me back.  Even more recent than that, he adamantly told people that he did not feel that way about me.  The talk gave me a new suspicion that I hope very much isn't true, because that would make him a lot worse in my eyes than he already is.  I was a scapegoat.  I was the person he thought he could get easily so he tried his hand on me because he wanted to forget about the other girl.  He thought that I wanted a guy that badly that I would just say yes.  He thought I was easy.  That makes him an asshole guy.  That makes him worth nothing as my supposed friend.  And just to be clear, every time I said I wanted a guy I almost always made it clear that I wanted a potential guy.  I wanted someone to crush on, someone that would make my day a little brighter.  If he had taken a second to hear what I was saying, he would have noticed that I was very clear on that.  Friend? What friend?

I think I've said something about this before.

We are easy to please, easy to placate, easy to satisfy.  We are prone to smile at the smallest things and be amused by the most simplistic anomalies.  It may seem shallow, as if our world is that of a child's, uncomplicated and much less difficult.  In truth, the standards by which we base our happiness is simply different from others.  Our satisfaction and pleasure lie not on our happiness but the mere existence of the state where we are not unhappy.

We're living on a number.  On a scale of 0 to 10 rating the unhappiness and troubles that riddle our lives, a zero never makes an appearance.  We're never just fine.  We are never untroubled.  We are never truly and perfectly happy.

Yesterday I tried to figure out what number I was living on.  I'm not in any great pain. I'm not terminally ill.  I'm not drowning in debt.  A three or a four would cut it.

The mere fact that I don't bawl or break down does not mean I'm fine.  It means I'm okay.  At the moment whatever troubles I have are not enough that I would crumble. I can endure, sometiimes silently, sometimes vocally.

Because of this number, I resent any assumption that I am shallow and carefree.  I resent anyone implying that I cannot comprehend trouble because those that I go through do not even compare.

I'm living on a number.  Some people are not.  I may laugh or cry or just freak out, but those reactions are on the basis of that number and not the zero that others live by.

MBB 180 can drive you mad.  The fact that I am in the class right now after a night of staggered stolen sleep makes it much worse.  I have 30mins more of this class to endure.

We are talking about fish.  All this is doing for me is that it's making me crave grilled fish. Gwar.

I will make it through this day!

I've taken to reading Arseblog - avidly, more or less.  I have yet again acquired a new distraction for myself.  They're piling up.  I am very much screwed for the rest of the sem.  It doesn't help that Arsenal has been doing well all December and January-February promises fights with the big teams.

I have undergone a day of KoL insanity.  I was taking it seriously, which is more than a little scary.  I was actively trying to find out what certain items did or could be used for...freaky.

I really don't want...

What I want right now is to finish that bottle of red wine and maybe have a taste of the white one. Just for kicks.

I very rarely ever remember my dreams properly.  I often do for maybe the first minute after I wake up, but it gets very fuzzy afterwards.  Sometimes I forget the dream entirely after that.

Today was odd.  I had a very odd vivid dream.  You know, one of those dreams where you actually feel emotions while being the character that you are in the dream? Well, I'm pretty sure I was myself in my dream and the circumstances were really strange.

I'm not sure what the dream implies.  I figure it can be one of two things.  It can be an openly telling dream, which indicates a lot about my character that I didn't really know about myself.  Or actually, it's wrong to say that I didn't know it per se.  Let's say I wasn't sure.  On the other hand it could be a little more figurative.  I don't like the second scenario.  It gives me nothing because it states very little beyond what I already know (in a metaphorically represented situation) and there isn't really anything I can do about it at this point.

The ultimate thing though is that it's very obvious that I've spent entirely too much time contemplating this past year.  I very much doubt I can stop (like everybody else, I suck at New Year's resolutions).  I just have to believe that I can deal with whatever comes my way and that things will happen in time.  If they don't, then there's not point throwing a tantrum or whatever over it neh?

Hope New Year will be a bit more interesting than Christmas.  Mou.

Mom did a strange thing yesterday.  She went and asked the woman next to her in line to let her put the woman's SM advantage points into her account.  Cheek. Mom scares me sometimes.

I, on the other hand, am a different kind of scary...

I hope I can make yesterday's resolve.  Thesis!

I don't think it's pleasant to be on the other side of the fence from me.  Not that I do anything.

I want to play games. Tell me if I should stop, if I shouldn't go through with it.  Tell me soon because if I get into it I'll be rather hard to stop.  Tell me if you have ideas, they'll be more than welcome.

I am not a good person so why should I force myself to be?

I gave him a shot.  I didn't want to but I rode it out.  I didn't really feel comfortable with it but I stayed.  I wasn't myself and it didn't go unnoticed.  Still, nothing.

At this point I think I just give up.  I'm tired and frustrated, apart from disappointed.  I guess I just want to move on.  I don't think I'll ever feel the same about him though, not as a friend or anything else.

I can't help but think of it quite a lot, but I can get over it.  I hope I can.

Roller coaster. I've never been on one but I imagine they're a lot more fun than the similar experience I have in my life, even if I do end up dizzy and puking after the former.

Yesterday started with work, as per usual. I discovered that I didn't know how to make posters and that I didn't know how to layout. Then I sort of shopped. I got presents for 1 person and another one, though the person for whom the present was bought is not certain yet. Then it was off to buy Apple Cinnamon Crumble Pie, after which traffic made us decide to stay at Wham! to eat a 1pm brunch.

( The next destination was CS to wait for Scientia to arrive.  ) ( And then the Scientia came and we gave it out during the Lantern Parade. Amusement, discoveries and food happened before we went to the Lab Party )

We left Albert at around 8 and bought the closest thing to vanilla ice cream in Ministop. We got to the Mirano-Bascos home. Then we had a car accident. Truck vs Honda. It was a back hit. I discovered I had a trauma to being in a car and having an impact from behind.  Maybe the insane reaction from my part was partially because I was already slightly rattled and very tired.  I don't know.  I wasn't all freaked out when I was in a bus and we had this huge impact from behind as a taxi slammed into us from behind at a very high speed.  The taxi windshield was shattered and the driver had this huge lump on his forehead about half the size of his head.  But then again I was on a bus.  And I was still very bothered.

Nonetheless, I cried.  Well, cried is the wrong term.  Tears started falling O_O.  My hands were very cold.  My teeth were chattering.  I would like to think the reaction would not have been as bad either if I had been a little more prepared - a little more aware, just because I was texting Sir Bascos that we had arrived as the impact came.  Omar got very bummed (and scared for his life), but Sir seemed a little amused and Ma'am shared how she got into an accident 5 minutes after getting her driver's license, still at the LTO parking lot. XD

Beng and Isay were already there.  Beng was already there.  Beng was already there.

It was a generally very happy night.  I kept on thinking about things, which made me feel down quite often, but I still enjoyed it.  Gabby , Ate Karen, Ate Andoi, Ate Kellseye and Cynric came.  Jerwyn came after getting lost.  Miles and Ciara came, both in red (Gabby was also in red).

Food, an enormous amount of sweets, and happy conversation ensued until 2am.  O_O I was in my adviser's house until TWO IN THE MORNING.  I actually greeted my mom happy birthday from their house.  There were stories of ghosts, high school tales, lab convos, goodbyes to Ate Karen who is leaving for Spain on Monday, Sir showing off his katana and his balisong, PSIL being unnaturally sedated when Ma'am Denise's mom, the Dean of the College of Arts and Letters, joined us, and a lot of other crazy moments.  I got momentarily panicked when Ma'am shared her worries about the lack of results from her MSP1 researching students.  She said she was determined that we'd get results though.  I was very happy that she at least thought it would be unfair if it didn't work out for us because we worked so hard on it (yehey for being appreciated...I was beginning to think we just thought we were working hard but weren't really so...).  Then sir had to go put in that there was always next year.  He did mention that we wanted to go into research anyway so it was all good, but I'm not entirely sure what he meant by the next year bit.

By two, Omar took a cup of concentrated coffee and we were off.  We had trouble getting back out.  Rattled.  I think Sir got worried after a few tries.  Omar forgot to turn on his headlights (which happens so often that it fails to be remarkable except for the time his mom called us while we were in Visayas Ave and told Omar to turn on his lights...so horror movie-ish).  Still, sir called me to tell us about it.  His voice sounded like he was almost laughing. We got home and forgot the cakes in Omar's car.  We walked the bit from the Magiting junction to CP...twas very cold.  Home before 3am, asleep before 5.  ( Evaluation in between. )

There was an NIMBB Christmas party. Many things happened. We embarassed ourselves thoroughly. The Sir Monots show happened and we forgot about it entirely.

Then Higikhikan happened. Faculty Follies for free because Kuya A gave me a ticket. I finished the first draft of my RRL before heading there. I had fun. I got a little down at the start because it dawned on me that it was almost Christmas and I would be spending my first Christmas without my grandfather (on my dad's side). Nearly four months now, huh. In any case, there were distractions so the sadness wasn't much noticed after a while. Sir Jocson for one, in a tube dress. Sir Daki was dancing. Sir Difeo was so fun (I always enjoy watching pep and street). And the CS performance...Sir Monots happened again, completely distracting me from the fact that Ma'am Roque was there. I missed it, apparently. Didn't miss the shy, conservative Sir Bascos though.

After the show I was mildly afraid I was going to have to walk home. It was 9:30 and Emlet and I waited for 20mins for an Ikot to no avail. I was lucky an SM North jeep decided to do an Ikot round to KNL just before the gates closed. Seriously, I'm okay with walking from checkpoint to dorm but the UP theatre is a different matter entirely.

When I got home there were gifts on the table and two bottles of The Bar - apple vodka. I was confused. They ordered pizza from Yellow Cab. We ate that. They bought chips and ice and we mixed iced tea using my plastic food container, our water, and I think Cha's powdered iced tea. We used a clear plastic cup and passed it around for shots of the vodka (about 2 or 3cm ht). Ate Ghia poured. Shiela made the iced tea, which we drank as a chaser. What a night.

I woke up the next day hungry (all the dinner I had was a slice of pizza and some chips at nearly 11pm). I did RE digestion with Ekay, who splattered EtBr on her lab gown (scary). We ate at the food place near the dorm (Tessa, Ekay, Omar and me) and had coffee (and fries for me) at Migo's. More labbing and blaaaah.

I'm not sure if today made me feel better, I really don't. It didn't make me any less confused for one. It didn't help me get back the motivation to work. I suppose it's only a matter of time before I either break completely or move on.

There are two states of mind that I can't get out of my system: one is the apparent emo-ness that I'm undergoing and the other is the confusion.

Being sulky emotional rather sucks. I've been this way for quite possibly around a month by now. I took it out on Marius when it became bad, opting for a dark "quiet" desktop background and google black firefox add-on and a dark-ish persona. I tried to darken the other windows but it slowed the computer down too much that I had to get red if it. I thought I'd be over it by now. Apparently, if I can't get rid of all, or perhaps at least most of the reasons why I became like that in the first place, it won't go away. I have a pretty clear idea of the causes. There are quite a few. I let it build up, you see. I thought I could handle it, but it steadily got worse, even after I acknowledged the fact that I was VERY unhappy about it. There are people, of course - it wouldn't really be much of a reason at all if there weren't any human factors. Then there are those circumstantial factors that sometimes make you wonder if the fates are out to get you. And then there's yourself - myself, in this case. It's one matter if you know what's wrong with you and can't do anything about it, and another thing entirely when you're just worriedly wondering if something really is wrong with you. Are you broken? Badly manufactured? An anomaly? Are you just that unworth it?

I want it over. I want it over very badly. Unfortunately the compounded forces of the universe just won't allow it to be so.

Confusion, the lack of proper understanding, is something radically different than pure emotional turmoil. It's not any better though; they're equally disturbing. I like understanding things. I think it makes me feel safer, a little more comforted. If I can't make sense of something I get bothered by it and try a little harder (unless I deem it not worth the effort). Right now I just want to shake the universe in hopes that the little confusing somethings in it will suddenly fall into place. It's tiring being confused. It's tiring trying to get things in order in your head...and failing.

I keep saying that if I could at least get decent thesis results I would feel much better. I still think so, but I'm not really hoping for it. With things as they are now, I think we are all of us just waiting for a miracle to shower down from the heavens.

I spent the night, while I was in the lab, having an irrational desire to break something, maybe a plank of wood, maybe the bones of my skull. And then I had an odd compulsion to spend a little (not too much, I don't have that much cash) with other people with a vague feeling it might make me feel better. If I go through with it later on today, I would be thankful, at least.

I am sad and depressed, and more than slightly broken.  What sense is there in brooding?  Well, all right, I'm actually still brooding, but not so much.  See I'm really shallow.  A few pathetic highlights from the Arsenal-Spurs match and 3 volumes of Asterisk scans and I'm more or less functional again.  Well, I'm working...not totally equivalent to functional but close enough.

Tomorrow is registration day.  Bound to be horrid since I study in UP.  Yeah, CSRC is closer to CS but it is VERY far away from my thesis.  Oh well, I guess I will just pick up the Carolfest stuff from Albert Hall before going to CS...or something like that.  Oh, dear, I no longer have a plan.  Could they at least have informed people sooner?

I still apparently have no Anthro grade so what's the point?

Yes, I am one of those traitors who abandoned most internet networking sites for Facebook.  Well, technically, I didn't shift from LJ to facebook.  I don't blog there, just fiddle and play.  I stopped blogging because I had too many other things to do, none of which count as having a life.

Speaking of which, it's hard to believe it's still sem break.  Not that I had a sembreak to begin with seeing as I was in school about four days a week working on lab stuff that DON'T seem to be working out for me.  And amidst all of that I try to write for various purposes.  Nyargh. I feel swamped. It would probably help if people cooperated, but they don't.  I means seriously, those articles are two months late.  The least you guys can do is reply to texts.

SO apparently, I am only here to rant.  It's a constantly recurring feeling this year.  It's as if what I say or think matter very little to others.  I am either very easy to ignore or to insignificant to follow.  That's it.  I'm not seeking any leadering roles after this.  It just makes me feel smaller than I already do.  But for now, I'll try to put those feelings on hold.  I have duties to fulfill and if I can't make people do them, well, someone still has to.

Goodness, gracious, is this learning discretion that I'm witnessing?

***

yesterday:
tug-of-war
football (friendly match)
albert hall - to learn that I shall not be PCR-ing
FA - fooooood
walk to grandstand in drizzle
frisbee - wherein I was useless
football - wherein I would like to believe I wasn't quite so useless
cleanup
CSC consultation - wherein I wanted to find a gun and shoot myself
all attempt to be academically useful failed


today:
PCR
saloma class
marathon to AS 4th floor
anthro
AGE
PCR
142
PCR stuff cleanup
cheerdance
142
fly
142
cheerdance
laundry
a little fixing up here and there and I still have 30 mins of today left.


tomorrow: holiday - Quezon City day
PSIL - gel extraction - anytime and might possibly take long
all day cheerdance practice
PE practice, theoretically
(hello, holiday)

I therefore conclude that I cannot and should not try to seduce people.

NO, I did not try.

I was wearing boots (tall boots, white boots, pretty boots, cheap boots) and a short skirt (with shorts underneath) and a lot of other things besides.  I was sitting on top of a pile of books, textbooks, no less (Analysis of Genes and Genomes, anyone?).  And then, Gabby spoke...the way he usually spoke when he is in the mood and feels it appropriate to violate people.  And the photographer, who did not know Gabby and did not know to fear such moods and such words, listened.  Insanity and erm kahalayan ensued.

I must say, I am still violated to this moment.

I had fun going home for the first time in a very long time, though.  I got stuffed *nyarsh nyarsh nyarsh* and other people got wazzed.  Stares varied.  There was the I-forget-that-I-am-on-a-moving-motorcycle-in-all-my-security-guard-glory stare, the wtf stare, the whispers to each other and looks at them stare, the stare from head to toe, the ooh!-may-cosplay stare, and many other stares besides.

What I don't like is that other matter, though - the one where no one is happy anymore.  Somehow people just manage to tolerate it.  Rawr.


Ika ko nga sa photographer, "Wala pong siya, eh."  Ano ba daw nangyari, namatay ba daw?  Nagkaroon na ba daw ng siya dati?  "Wala pa po talaga."  Babasagin daw pala ako.  Never been touched, never been kissed.

Enpordat, sabog ang huling shot ng sablay ko :P

Pathetically enough, my very long eloquent entry yesterday wouldn't get posted because multiply insisted it did not accept CSS...like I know how.

In any case all's well for that.  It wasn't a happy post anyway.

Today isn't a happy post either though.  Today is a puzzled sad post.  Puzzled mostly because of the sadness.  It's possible the somber air my dad had affected me.  Heck, he still was a relative.  But he stands (metaphorically) as an example of the dying (literally) number of decent politicians in the world.  No, not my dad. His cousin.  This might change how things work.  This may possibly push my uncle into a bigger field of politics.  Mom speculates my dad's cousin's wife my go take her husband's place.  I have little doubt she'll win but I still have an odd feeling about my uncle.

Masalimuot ang politika.  I had forgotten until now that my family is entangled in it after all.  I had been thinking of Tessa and her grandfather as the politics people in my radius...

I suppose this post is a little garbled and a lot lost.  I feel that way right now.  So much for all that studying and writing and productiveness that I had intended to have.

Does it ever come to a point when feeding yourself becomes bad?

I hope not.  Seriously, stuffing tasty munchies into your mouth is just too satisfying.  Doing it while you're simply being undeniably insane with a bunch of equally mad people (and something currently undefined, basta XXXYZ siya) is =))...

Today Jerwyn helped us deliver our babies all over UP.  By god, they are so pretty.  I may not be entirely objective about this but still...

I am very very proud.  I am not even that fully a parent.  I wrote two articles and a few culture contributions.  Still, I have never before been this big a part of a publication.  Ako nga ang epal na staffer na nakikisawsaw sa Junior Ed Board meetings diba? (and even though I know I will not be an editor, pwedeng forever epal na ako? ang fun kasi talaga eh. I promise to be a better staffer. Medyo marunong na akong magsulat ngayon :D)

Seeing Dr. Ceasar Saloma fiddle with the Scientia through Ma'am Santos's speech made me feel giddy.

Dinner was at KFC in Techno Hub.  Dinner was...

Ekay: Sasamahan ko lang si Tessa ha.
*Ekay proceeds to table where Tessa is waiting with our things*
Ekay (poking her head over JBR's shoulder): *sings song*
*JBR and Francine go LoL in surprise*
Ekay: Sabi ko sasamahan ko si Tessa.  And then Tessa smiled with a bunch of spoons and forks *Ekay motions as if holding a bunch of things in fist*
*TA (minus Tessa) turn towards Tessa with silly giddy smile/laugh*
*TA laughs*

*Tessa and Ekay talk about baby*
Omar (while stabbing into less than half full KFC bucket and taking out a piece): Fwing!
Omar: Ah wait, leg siya.
*JBR and Francine duck heads in anguish*


Omar: Jerwyn, what will you do if a cow fell on you?
JBR: A cow?
Omar: Yes.
JBR: I'll be happy. 2 weeks' worth of adobong baka.
*silly convo ensues*
Ekay: Syempre, cow falling from heaven.
*people think of cow nearly crushing JBR due to falling from sky and say more silly things about it*
JBR: A cow is not a Pajero.
Omar: What if the cow was in a Pajero?
Tessa: I'm imagining the cow honking "beef! beef!" then going "moooooooove!"
*Tessa turns while talking to see that she actually turned towards a complete stranger.*
*general mad laughter*

At ayan po ang nagagawa ng pagkain.  Bawal na kumain...*looks at Omar's stat message* I take it back.

I just realized that I might have been arguing or seeking battles to fight a bit too much this year.  The need for blood has not been satiated.  It doesn't help, in any way whatsoever, that I seem to be picky with my tiffs.  I want a battle of the wits, not some stupid skirmish where one side wastes time and energy trying to explain to his or her opponent where the argument really is already.  Although examples are flashing through my head *ahembingbongahem* I am not saying this with a point-and-accuse attitude (except maybe for *ahem*).  Generalizing, procrastinating...I'm making myself hardly worth paying attention to.

So, my advice to the world falls into three categories: 1.) stay clear of the war path, 2.) give me a damn good fight (fistfights are welcome), or 3.) find him for me, please :D...oh wait, Jerwyn already filled in number three for me.  Oh, well, two categories then. Ladida.

There was a bit of an empty discussion of sorts which consisted of nothing much really.  Then, of course, right before the apparent plunge, he (or she - I make no judgments) paused to ask if i was sure.  I laughed.

There was too much wait for the experience to be properly relished.  Tomorrow...maybe tomorrow would be a better day.